5 Things I've Learnt: As a Freshman in University!

1. SPM Results No Longer Matter

Sure, you spend the first 17 years of your life worrying about how your SPM results is going to turn out. But one you enter college/university, no one will give you any special treatment based on your results. In my case, studying in architecture requires creativity, sense of logic and skills; not how many As you got for your SPM. In fact, if you think so highly of your result, you’re only risking yourself to higher disappointment when you fail to score your subjects the way you did in school.

2.  Tolerance and Consideration is Key to Surviving 

Back in my first semester, I was lucky enough to experience life as an architecture student in UiTM Shah Alam, where the studio was where we spent most our lives at. Without tolerance, I don’t think I would be able to care for my fellow Kosmikians as much as I do now. I realised that the trend among teenagers nowadays is to be savage af, but honestly, don’t. It’s not worth your time to have enemies and have fights with the people that you will be spending your life with for the next four years. Just have fun together and live a peaceful life as a family.

3. Always Take the High Road, Avoid Making (Negative) Assumptions 

I’ve never really liked it when people make ridiculous assumptions behind my back, and I’ve also learnt that people don’t like it either when I do the same to them. When there’s miscommunications or misunderstandings, the first thing that we usually do is to find someone to blame. I’ve learnt that this does not solve anything, in face it will only make matters worse. Always try to understand the problem from both parties before making any conclusion.

4.  University Is Not About Competition

I’m the type of person who would usually compare myself with people with better grade/achievements in order to motivate myself to improve, and I still do so, but ever since I entered this course, I’ve learnt that university is more about helping each other and motivation each other so that everyone can succeed together. Architecture life has thought me so much about being selfless, and not to work on succeeding alone. It’s all about graduating together at the end of our 4 years journey together. 

5.  Everyone Is Busy in University

I’ve often felt super guilty because of how rarely I contact my friends from highschool. I used to make time for them all the time and yet I fail to do the same ever since I got in UiTM. This sense of guilt took a toll on me and sometimes I would just spend my days crying over matters like this. When I met up with Sarah (one of my bestfriend from high school) recently, she told me how she felt the same, and thats when I realised that all of us are extremely busy after all. But this doesn’t mean that friends can’t stay friends, in fact it makes us even closer as we appreciate each other even more due to the distance. I’m extremely grateful over the fact that despite seeing each other so rarely, every time we contact it feels the same as it did back in high school.

All in all, I've learnt a lot in my first and a half semester so far, and there's still much more for me to learn before I finish my freshman year. I look forward for the next 3 years here!

-am-

H O M E

I never liked going back home.

Back in high school, going home would mean receiving long lectures from my mother, having to deal with my brother getting angry at every little thing that I do, getting ignored or laughed at whenever I'm telling my family how my day was, having to say a temporary goodbye to my friends at school and many more. Nothing was ever right at home during high school, the moment I reached home was also the moment I felt the need to leave. Even when I was on holiday I would try my best to find ways not having to stay home. I guess you could say home was my least favourite part at that time.

I am now currently studying in a university, where I only get to go home once or twice every six months, and I still don't favour going home. It is a different feeling, though. During my first semester, I didn't want to go home for the same reasons as in high school, but now that I am in my second semester, it's a whole different vibe. I still don't wanna go home, not because I hated it, but because I can't help but feel sad when I'm here. When I enter the house, the smell is no longer familiar, not sure if it is because I'm no longer used to it or things are now just... different. I start thinking about how I no longer get to drink the tea my mum makes everyday like I did the past 9 years, or how the bottles that were always empty are now all full because I'm no longer here to drink all the water and forgetting to refill them, or how there was always food on the table because my mum had to cook all the time to feed hungry me.. Every time I return, I am reminded of how fast time is passing by, how things will no longer be the way they were previously, how sooner or later I will no longer get to drink the tea my mum makes, ever. 

Not going home doesn't mean not feeling horrible at school either. High school was a mess for me, with all the silly drama going on, I mean, it is high school after all, all those things were predicted. But still, I guess going to school would hurt a little less than going home, and whenever I had the chance, I would go out and spend time on my own without any care. Now, I live in a hostel right in front of my faculty with no car, I'm pretty much stuck with very little options to destress. I cried very little during my first semester because I was having so much fun, but this semester... I spoke way too much of my family and cried way too often remembering home. Emotions is a horrible thing to deal with; although I am extremely thankful for having such a patient roommate - Elina who I don't give enough credits to.

I've always distanced myself from home for as long as I can remember, beginning with not liking the environment and as I grew up, the reason is that I refuse to get too attached to the memories to avoid getting hurt when all of this will be gone, and I think the side effect is starting to fall upon me. I think homesickness has finally caught up on me and I don't like how it's affecting me. There's no in between, its either I'm drowning in my own sadness thinking of my family; or I literally don't feel anything about them at all. Sometimes it feels as if the latter is a better option, its one where I feel less painful and get less distracted. But I guess it won't be so easy to kill of my emotions. 

I hope I can stay strong for the next few years of my life. I have to. I still have a long journey to overcome and emotions will only slow down my momentum. I sound really cliche and stuck up but lets be real, I really am an emotional wreck so lets take the safe route, shall we? 

I apologise for the rather weepy post, hope to be more positive in the next one! ^^

-am-

Hectic & Chaotic

Hi there! 

It's been awhile since you last heard from me (unless if you followed me on twitter/ig). It has been a pretty hectic semester so far; we finished our first design project on Monday which I think I did pretty decent for, also finally dah lepak in the new PTAR library in our faculty (in fact we were there for an entire day looking for references for our 2nd project), and I've been playing frisbee and badminton during the evening with my friends, not as often as I did during the beginning of the semester tho, ever since I got my knee busted by sliding on the futsal court while playing frisbee last week.

So over here in Palam, things are so different compared to our life back in Shah Alam. The rules are much stricter, we're not allowed to stay in our studios any later than 6pm, we have to be back in our apartment by 11pm, absolutely no students' cars are allowed here; sometimes it feels as if we're living the life of students of a boarding school. Not exactly sure the reasons behind the constrictions, but rumours say that UiTM is trying to minimise electricity usage since they don't actually own this place (I don't know how true this is). Anyway, putting the cons of living here aside, I personally think this place is pretty rad. I mean, we have 3 futsal courts, one football field, 2 tennis courts, a lake where we can run around all too ourselves (the FSSR & FSPU students). Did I mention that our dormitory is in fact an apartment? 4 rooms per house, and 2 beds per room, making it 8 students living in one apartment with a decent dining table, and pretty decent toilets as well. Being one of the earliest batches to move in here, the buildings and the facilities are still in their best condition. We even have 2 different cafes, a library, oh and let me remind you how the faculties are located right next door to our apartments. Sure, we're not allowed to do many things here, and it sucks that we're not able to use the facilities at night, but I think if we were able to do so, things would be pretty much perfect here. Its a shame that we probably won't have the chance to stay here again next semester though.

I found myself spending quite a huge amount of my time complaining about the flaws of staying here, but I wish I had been more grateful. I'll try to post some pictures of this place soon, but for now this post shall be imageless.

See you again soon!

am

Friendship & Effort

Tomorrow will be my best friend - Tsara Aisyah's birthday. A few days ago, a friend of mine told me to send a short video message of myself wishing her happy birthday to her sister, and I failed to do so as I thought I was too busy to do so. I couldn't stop feeling the guilt, I only had to send a short video, and yet I couldn't bother to spend a fraction of my time to do something that will possibly make her day. Since when did I become so.. selfish?

I went through my collection of birthday cards made by my friends, I remembered the amount of effort we used to put in during everyone's birthday, not because we had to, but because it was the best way to show how much that particular person meant to us. I never missed making handmade birthday cards for my friends, and made sure that the birthday celebration is as meaningful as possible; heck, I even sent a package of birthday presents all the way to Australia last year! When university first started, I couldn't help but wonder, why does it feel as if all the friendships I have now are so bland? And now I've finally understood that it is myself who has been lacking effort, and there's only myself to blame. 

Hopefully this new semester I will be able to enjoy things the way I used to in high school, prioritise things depending on how happy it makes me feel. I had a lot to go through during high school (I'm sure all of us did), but my friends were one of the strong pillars that helped me survive through the bad days, and there's no reason for me to take them for granted now. If you do know me personally and feel like I'm distanced myself these past few months, I am really sorry, I had a messy start to university, now that I'm in my second semester I shall try my best to make it up for you, and I love you, okay? Okay.

am

:(

Been feeling a bit low these past few days, felt the need to vent my thoughts to someone, here I am on my trusty old blog.

No one is going to listen to your justifications and explanations for being a shitty person. 

So you keep on listing down reasons, rethinking your excuses for days, only for yourself to see it. 

No one is going to look at your achievements, or the good things that you've done; when you've done one horrible thing to them, that's all that they are going to remember about you. 

This whole semester break, I've made a few decisions which at that moment I thought was what's best for me, and now that I have time to rethink and reevaluate everything, I'm starting to doubt myself. 

I keep on telling myself to focus on the pros instead of the cons, but not a day goes by without me thinking about how things must've been through the other person's perspective. I must've seemed like a complete prick, maybe I am one after all. An apology is not going to change anything, if the other person refuses to apologise. Part of me feels like an apology is what I have to do now, but part of me still insists that that's not necessary at all. And that's probably the main problem, ego. Ego on both sides. 

Let's lay down our weapons and go back to being friends, please?

am

2016?! Dah 2016????

Assalamualaikum friends!

I am currently sitting on a couch, laptop on my lap, and my phone next to me. It's 1am, and I'm still pretty much having trouble trying to write a blogpost on this blog and my travel blog. Trust me, I've been trying to update this blog since the first day of the semester break, but somehow my brain isn't processing things the way I expect it to.

What's that? Semester break? Heck yeah semester break! First semester of university ended late January, and we're currently waiting for second semester to start late February. On Monday I'll be on my way to Melaka with my friends, and we'll be staying there and in Johor for 3 days. Extremely excited for this trip, I'll let you know about the whole thing as soon as I can. 

Anyway, life update. How was semester 1 like? I've learnt so much, tried so many things, and made so many new friends. Even celebrated NYE with my high school friends at a party - *wow*. Academic wise, Alhamdulillah everything went "smoothly", I have yet to get my finals results, but hopefully it's not too bad. Archifest was hella great (thank you MVRK Studio & @rchisa for organizing such a memorable event), SAF was awesome (silver medal for ultimate frisbee, oh yeah) and review went well (thank you Tuah Studio & again, @rchisa for making it interesting). My friends and I went for several spontaneous trips this semester, we went to Broga, Putrajaya, Bagan Lalang, Cameron, Fraser, Temerloh, Jengka, and a few other places, and we're hoping to go on more in the future. On our first trip to BBW, Putrajaya & Sepang, I drove on the highway without an instructor for the first time and I've been driving ever since. Today I drove Abang's oldie-but-goodie Saga for the first time, alone too. Spent first semester in UiTM's Shah Alam campus, and I'm kinda sad over the fact that we'll be moving to Puncak Alam next semester. I mean, the facilities in Palam is freaking amazing and all while Salam is a whole different story, but so many important events in my life happened in Shah Alam, so many good memories were made there, also the car rental in Salam is really convenient and cheap so that's another reason to miss Shah Alam. But I do look forward to studying in Palam, since the facilities are on par to those in private universities, which makes me kinda grateful that I decided to enter UiTM instead of Taylor's *whoops*

I have learnt several things about myself this past semester, improved several flaws, but there's one major thing I still fail to fix. My feelings. I catch feelings waaaay too easily, and my actions can be too impromptu sometimes, which is really, really annoying. I really need to get my shiz together and learn to survive on myself and love myself before I even start thinking about relationships. Semester 1 was a rollercoaster of emotions, I'm over it now (I think), and hopefully I can start next sem with a fresh mind and attitude ^^

To summarise everything up, I had tonne of fun last semester, and I hope it'll be even greater next semester. To those eagerly waiting to start their first semester soon, I can guarantee you that this course is the best decision you'll ever make in your life, that is if you allow yourself to love and enjoy it as much as you possibly can. I'm off to get some sleep now since I have a meeting tomorrow, will try to update soon! 

*ps: you may have noticed that pictures from my previous posts have gone missing, this is due to a technical issue and I'm really sorry for it! I'll try to find the pictures back and repost them soon ^^

-am-

Mid-semester break!

Mid semester break!

Wow, so the last time I posted something on this blog was on May 24th.. That was six months ago. I have been missing from this website for six months, when all I wanted to do was to focus on this blog. Hah. Great job Aliah!

I guess I now owe myself an explanation for going MIA for so long, since I'm pretty much the only person who knows about this blog... Anyway, where do I begin? During May I got a job, worked at a book store for 3 months - more or less, then entered university on the 1st of September 2015. I am currently doing my degree in Architecture in UiTM Shah Alam, and honestly, I think I've fallen in love with this place, this course and everything that has to do with my life here. Hey, I think I know where I should start... I shall start with telling you bits and pieces about my course.

From my experience, whenever someone mentions furthering their studies in architecture, the respond they get aren't usually positive. Architecture is known as a tiring, lengthy, exhausting and mentally torturing course. I'm not gonna lie, it is definitely tiring, as you will barely get any proper sleep here, and there are so many interesting events you can participate in that sometimes its hard to prioritise between your assignments and your participation in the non-academic activities. In my case, I try to be involved in as many activities (that interest me) as I possibly can, and I have to say that its not easy to manage your time here. Sure, I make sure I pass up my assignments on time, be punctual at all times, but that doesn't mean that I'm doing well as a student. I've barely gotten any As for my assignments, only managed to get around an hour of sleep per day - most of the time no sleep at all. I'm not proud of that but hey, I'm still learning, and all of this is still pretty new to me (says someone who's already halfway through her first semester). What I'm trying to say is that its not easy to do well in this course, but its not impossible to learn how to do so. I still believe that I can cope with my assignments, and that by the end of the semester I will be able to get my As by redoing all of it.

Even though I'm not doing so well in my design classes, but hey, I think I'm doing okay as a person. I have great friends here, I'm learning to be a better person, and I honestly think that I'm doing so much better than I did in high school. I think the most comforting thing to me is that I can see that I'm trying my best. I do have my down times in the past 2+ months, I've seen my close friends breaking down in front of me and they've seen me at my lowest point even though we've only known each other for a few months, and I don't know, there's something special about this course that makes the bond between us so strong in such a short time. I've never seen someone put so much trust in another person that they've just met. The amount of trust and faith that we have in each other is mind blowing, and the things I've learnt about myself and the world in this past mid-semester is pretty amazing too. The thing about studying architecture in UiTM Shah Alam is that you have this huge community of architecture students ranging from alumni to lecturers and to freshmen like myself supporting you and preparing you for the outside world. The inductions and the activities that they have arranged for us have helped build the bond between the students of our own studio as well as between us and the seniors. I've only been here for such a short while, and I still have a long way to go, but looking at the progress and the momentum that I am experiencing, I think the next few semesters will be a little bit easier that its supposed to be.

I feel like I'm lucky since all of my roommates are from the same course, so we have the same schedule and we all barely spend any time at our dorm. This means that I get to do things with them like going out and stuff, since we all spend the same amount of time on our assignments and we all have the same amount of free time. Sometimes I do stop by my other friends' rooms, even randomly sleep over their room when I have the time. The people here are really pleasant, and I'm glad that God has decided to send me to this university to pursue this particular course. 

Right now I am alone in my room, blasting my favourite music and having some alone time. I don't usually get to do this, since my time is so occupied and that I live with 3 other girls in this room, but since it is currently the mid semester break and everyone else is having a great time at home, I'm pretty much one of the very few people who have decided to spend our holiday here. I have drawings to do and movies to watch, I'll (try to) update you guys soon!

-am-