Valebat 2015: First (Proper) Job!

Hey there! I haven't been writing blogposts in a while because I've been occupied by my first job as a cashier at a bookstore near my house. Currently, I'm not in the best place but I'm trying my best to stay positive. I started this job on last Tuesday, which means today is my 6th day working there. I've had several short jobs before, well they were actually work-experience sorta job that lasted for a day which I volunteered for twice last year. Those jobs were amazing, I was in charge of promoting brain-stimulating toys at Hamley's and BORDERS and I absolutely loved both jobs. This time, I feel like the job really isn't something that I should be doing.

When I applied for the job, I didn't actually plan on working as a cashier, but that was what the interviewer assigned me to so I just, well, agreed to it since I thought it would be a nice new thing to experience. First day, there were so many things that I had to remember from the beginning of the day till the end. By the way, incase you were wondering, I work 6 days/week (no holiday & pay for the first week of work), 10am to 9.30pm. So the first day was pretty hectic, I was quite blur but I managed. Second day however was crazier. Their original cashier (Kak Tasha) was on leave and I was left alone with one of the managers/boss (Kak Tijah) (I still have no idea) to handle the cashiers. It went well in the beginning since we don't get that many customers anyway, but halfway through the day I messed up real bad by missing out on a few discounts on a customer's purchase, plus they were using credit card to pay so that made it even worse. The other manager/boss (Jason) who I, at that time, have yet to talk to, was pretty upset and that scared me a lot. I was trying my best to love my job and learn to get used to everything but that mistake made me extremely anxious and now I get a little bit nervous whenever a customer decides to pay using methods other than cash. At the end of the night the managers were still talking about it and at one point I just couldn't take the guilt anymore and I sorta cried. How mature of me. I felt extremely bad because I really didn't mean to do anything wrong and cause trouble for both the managers and the customer, but I did and there really was nothing I could do about it. Before it was time for us to go home, Jason was attempting to cheer me up by making jokes and reading random quotes off a children's motivation book. I guess that worked for a while.

Today is the 6th day and again another money-related problem surfaced. I'm not going to into details on what happened, but let's just say no one knows whose fault it really was and being the new guy and the one who's prone to making mistakes, I couldn't help but think it was mine and let's just say I don't feel good about it all. It could've been someone else's fault but I just cannot help but think that I am responsible for it. Here's the thing, I've never liked jobs that requires me to deal with people's money. This is quite ironic since I was the head treasurer of my high school's prefects' board as well as the treasurer for my sports house last year. These two posts weren't such a big deal, there wasn't much transactions involved, plus the money wasn't going in and out continuously so there wasn't much room for mistakes anyway. But being a cashier means there's a very high possibility that you can either give less or give more money to the customers and cause trouble for the company. And I don't feel bad because I will get scolded or I might have to be responsible for the loss, but I feel bad because these people, no matter the company nor the customers, are losing money because of my carelessness and I hate that. I hate being in a situation like that. I don't mind doing jobs that requires a lot of my physical energy like keeping records or checking stocks or labelling products, I really don't. In fact I've been doing these things for the past 6 days despite my position being the cashier of the store. But I really hope that once the new staffs come in (tomorrow hopefully), I'll be able to request to change my position in the store and stop being responsible of all the transactions going in and out of the store. This kind of environment gives me so much anxiety and I get so stressed out even though to some it might not even be a big deal. Plus, the store that I'm working has so many promotions and the cashiers are supposed to manually add up the discounts, which means we have to make sure that all different kinds of discounts have been given to the customer for each product. I'm not sure if I'm making much sense right now since I am writing out of frustration. Basically, the job as the cashier of the store sucks a lot and I really don't like it. At all.

Don't get me wrong, the people working there - Jason, Kak Tasha, Kiki, Zaza, Wawa, Afiq, Syabil and Kak Tijah are all incredibly sweet and welcoming people that I am comfortable around, but the vibe around the cashier area just isn't healthy for me. Jason, Kak Tasha and Kiki are among the sweetest people I've known, despite the fact that Kiki, Zaza and Wawa can't really speak in English nor Malay. I love the place, I really do, but being the cashier just kills the mood for me. I really hope that by this week I'll be able to switch to another position, so that I can turn the negative hate into love. I'm not gonna lie, before this whenever someone says they hate their job, I automatically feel like they should really try to love their job and embrace the challenges instead of looking at them as something that they should avoid. But now, I understand that sometimes it can be really hard, and if you feel like the job isn't healthy for your wellbeing, do try to change it. I feel quite disappointed in myself for failing to love my first job, but I really cannot take the stress. I've been thinking about quitting immediately/earlier than planned but somehow I feel like I should keep on trying and not give up so soon. I'm pretty sure I sound really weak right now, but I think if you were like me and spent almost 6 months doing absolutely nothing and starting a job that requires so much of your mental energy, you would be just as exhausted and upset as I currently am. Hopefully in a few days things will feel better, and I will keep you updated when things don't feel as bad as they do now.

I apologise for the post that's slightly on the negative side, but this past week has been crazy stressful for me and I didn't really have shoulder to cry on nor someone to rant at (I don't really want to shower my friends with negativity right now), but I hope it has been an interesting read and let me know how your first job was! ♡

Update (25/5/2015): 
So I talked to Kak Tijah earlier today about switching my position from cashier to general worker or anything OTHER than cashier, and she was pretty reluctant and she made a deal with me instead. If by next week I still feel like cashier just isn't the job for me, then I'll get to change it. Since two new girls came in today, Kak Tasha spent the day passing down informations to the older girl - Kak Shida, so I spent the day checking stocks, and only stayed at the cashiers when needed. I have to say that I feel much relaxed after work today, even though checking stocks isn't an easy job either, but it definitely causes very little stress compared to being a cashier. So far, I'm liking this whole "part-time" cashier thing going on. Let's see how I'll be able to take it for the next few days! ^^

-am-