Sem Break 2.0!

Hello Semester 2 break!

I am currently in my ole' favourite spot in Starbucks, sipping on my mocha frappuccino, texting my boyfriend and just, chilling. Have't had the chance to do this in a long while, I'm glad I have today to spend on my own, despite having a blocked nose and pretty much freezing in this air-conditioned cafe. So, where do I begin writing? I think I shall start with summarising this entire semester.

So, this semester has been completely different than my first sem. In first semester, it was all about studio life. We ate, slept, and practically lived in our studios. This semester, we were privileged enough to spend most of our time in our dorms, and even spent a lot of our free time hanging out at Setia City Mall, which is a mall located near our campus. I even had the time to get dressed properly and put on some makeup every morning before class, which is good since I spent the last semester looking like a piece of trash hahaha. Anyway, design class went quite smoothly for me during the first two projects, but project 3 was pretty much a disaster, which is a shame since that final project matters so much more than the first two. Study wise, construction technology and history were pretty much hellish for me, I mean I did try to study constech earlier than all the other subjects, but I still had a hard time understanding the subject, and the worst part of it is that the topics that I have studied were not in the paper at all. Disappointing, amirite? Looking at the bright side, my friends and I got a lot closer this semester, since we spent a lot of time together playing bowling, karaoke, going out for sahoor at 3am in the morning till 5, I'm honestly quite surprised (and glad) at how close we've gotten. There's no denying that these kids are pretty much my second family now. As usual, drama was inevitable. This semester we had more drama to deal with compared to last semester, but somehow the arguments and misunderstandings that we've had have brought us closer together, as we've spent sometime working on fixing those two problems. For archifest this sem, we won a few awards, most outstanding award is probably the best studio award. Oh and also the best performance award, which Nia, Eyas and I performed a mashup and a raya song for. We managed to go on a few tripbarais as well, the highlight is probably our raya trip to Johor and Selangor, where we drove all the way to Johor Bahru and back, and the fact that I drove 180kph on the way back :p That was one hella experience.

#tripbarai raya black edition 2k16: Haziq, Caer, Dikmas, Nia, Yong, Akid, Afiq & Eyas (front row) (missing a lot more from this picture)

Oh, before I forget, sports! We had a pretty rad archisport this semester, and my favourite part is probably our frisbee matches. Kosmik didn't manage to win, but I had the opportunity to play for Maverik, and even got to wear their Subway jersey, which was pretty hella awesome. Archisport has given me the chance mingle with the seniors, which is quite nice seeing that I no longer have that privilege through Mestika ever since I've quit playing angklung.

Part of Kosmik Studio (Kispot '16 Futsal)

 I think that's for the summary of my second half of my first year studying architecture in UiTM, if I've missed out anything, maybe I'll include it in the next post! Thank you for reading this ^^

-am- 

5 Things I've Learnt: As a Freshman in University!

1. SPM Results No Longer Matter

Sure, you spend the first 17 years of your life worrying about how your SPM results is going to turn out. But one you enter college/university, no one will give you any special treatment based on your results. In my case, studying in architecture requires creativity, sense of logic and skills; not how many As you got for your SPM. In fact, if you think so highly of your result, you’re only risking yourself to higher disappointment when you fail to score your subjects the way you did in school.

2.  Tolerance and Consideration is Key to Surviving 

Back in my first semester, I was lucky enough to experience life as an architecture student in UiTM Shah Alam, where the studio was where we spent most our lives at. Without tolerance, I don’t think I would be able to care for my fellow Kosmikians as much as I do now. I realised that the trend among teenagers nowadays is to be savage af, but honestly, don’t. It’s not worth your time to have enemies and have fights with the people that you will be spending your life with for the next four years. Just have fun together and live a peaceful life as a family.

3. Always Take the High Road, Avoid Making (Negative) Assumptions 

I’ve never really liked it when people make ridiculous assumptions behind my back, and I’ve also learnt that people don’t like it either when I do the same to them. When there’s miscommunications or misunderstandings, the first thing that we usually do is to find someone to blame. I’ve learnt that this does not solve anything, in face it will only make matters worse. Always try to understand the problem from both parties before making any conclusion.

4.  University Is Not About Competition

I’m the type of person who would usually compare myself with people with better grade/achievements in order to motivate myself to improve, and I still do so, but ever since I entered this course, I’ve learnt that university is more about helping each other and motivation each other so that everyone can succeed together. Architecture life has thought me so much about being selfless, and not to work on succeeding alone. It’s all about graduating together at the end of our 4 years journey together. 

5.  Everyone Is Busy in University

I’ve often felt super guilty because of how rarely I contact my friends from highschool. I used to make time for them all the time and yet I fail to do the same ever since I got in UiTM. This sense of guilt took a toll on me and sometimes I would just spend my days crying over matters like this. When I met up with Sarah (one of my bestfriend from high school) recently, she told me how she felt the same, and thats when I realised that all of us are extremely busy after all. But this doesn’t mean that friends can’t stay friends, in fact it makes us even closer as we appreciate each other even more due to the distance. I’m extremely grateful over the fact that despite seeing each other so rarely, every time we contact it feels the same as it did back in high school.

All in all, I've learnt a lot in my first and a half semester so far, and there's still much more for me to learn before I finish my freshman year. I look forward for the next 3 years here!

-am-

H O M E

I never liked going back home.

Back in high school, going home would mean receiving long lectures from my mother, having to deal with my brother getting angry at every little thing that I do, getting ignored or laughed at whenever I'm telling my family how my day was, having to say a temporary goodbye to my friends at school and many more. Nothing was ever right at home during high school, the moment I reached home was also the moment I felt the need to leave. Even when I was on holiday I would try my best to find ways not having to stay home. I guess you could say home was my least favourite part at that time.

I am now currently studying in a university, where I only get to go home once or twice every six months, and I still don't favour going home. It is a different feeling, though. During my first semester, I didn't want to go home for the same reasons as in high school, but now that I am in my second semester, it's a whole different vibe. I still don't wanna go home, not because I hated it, but because I can't help but feel sad when I'm here. When I enter the house, the smell is no longer familiar, not sure if it is because I'm no longer used to it or things are now just... different. I start thinking about how I no longer get to drink the tea my mum makes everyday like I did the past 9 years, or how the bottles that were always empty are now all full because I'm no longer here to drink all the water and forgetting to refill them, or how there was always food on the table because my mum had to cook all the time to feed hungry me.. Every time I return, I am reminded of how fast time is passing by, how things will no longer be the way they were previously, how sooner or later I will no longer get to drink the tea my mum makes, ever. 

Not going home doesn't mean not feeling horrible at school either. High school was a mess for me, with all the silly drama going on, I mean, it is high school after all, all those things were predicted. But still, I guess going to school would hurt a little less than going home, and whenever I had the chance, I would go out and spend time on my own without any care. Now, I live in a hostel right in front of my faculty with no car, I'm pretty much stuck with very little options to destress. I cried very little during my first semester because I was having so much fun, but this semester... I spoke way too much of my family and cried way too often remembering home. Emotions is a horrible thing to deal with; although I am extremely thankful for having such a patient roommate - Elina who I don't give enough credits to.

I've always distanced myself from home for as long as I can remember, beginning with not liking the environment and as I grew up, the reason is that I refuse to get too attached to the memories to avoid getting hurt when all of this will be gone, and I think the side effect is starting to fall upon me. I think homesickness has finally caught up on me and I don't like how it's affecting me. There's no in between, its either I'm drowning in my own sadness thinking of my family; or I literally don't feel anything about them at all. Sometimes it feels as if the latter is a better option, its one where I feel less painful and get less distracted. But I guess it won't be so easy to kill of my emotions. 

I hope I can stay strong for the next few years of my life. I have to. I still have a long journey to overcome and emotions will only slow down my momentum. I sound really cliche and stuck up but lets be real, I really am an emotional wreck so lets take the safe route, shall we? 

I apologise for the rather weepy post, hope to be more positive in the next one! ^^

-am-

Hectic & Chaotic

Hi there! 

It's been awhile since you last heard from me (unless if you followed me on twitter/ig). It has been a pretty hectic semester so far; we finished our first design project on Monday which I think I did pretty decent for, also finally dah lepak in the new PTAR library in our faculty (in fact we were there for an entire day looking for references for our 2nd project), and I've been playing frisbee and badminton during the evening with my friends, not as often as I did during the beginning of the semester tho, ever since I got my knee busted by sliding on the futsal court while playing frisbee last week.

So over here in Palam, things are so different compared to our life back in Shah Alam. The rules are much stricter, we're not allowed to stay in our studios any later than 6pm, we have to be back in our apartment by 11pm, absolutely no students' cars are allowed here; sometimes it feels as if we're living the life of students of a boarding school. Not exactly sure the reasons behind the constrictions, but rumours say that UiTM is trying to minimise electricity usage since they don't actually own this place (I don't know how true this is). Anyway, putting the cons of living here aside, I personally think this place is pretty rad. I mean, we have 3 futsal courts, one football field, 2 tennis courts, a lake where we can run around all too ourselves (the FSSR & FSPU students). Did I mention that our dormitory is in fact an apartment? 4 rooms per house, and 2 beds per room, making it 8 students living in one apartment with a decent dining table, and pretty decent toilets as well. Being one of the earliest batches to move in here, the buildings and the facilities are still in their best condition. We even have 2 different cafes, a library, oh and let me remind you how the faculties are located right next door to our apartments. Sure, we're not allowed to do many things here, and it sucks that we're not able to use the facilities at night, but I think if we were able to do so, things would be pretty much perfect here. Its a shame that we probably won't have the chance to stay here again next semester though.

I found myself spending quite a huge amount of my time complaining about the flaws of staying here, but I wish I had been more grateful. I'll try to post some pictures of this place soon, but for now this post shall be imageless.

See you again soon!

am

Friendship & Effort

Tomorrow will be my best friend - Tsara Aisyah's birthday. A few days ago, a friend of mine told me to send a short video message of myself wishing her happy birthday to her sister, and I failed to do so as I thought I was too busy to do so. I couldn't stop feeling the guilt, I only had to send a short video, and yet I couldn't bother to spend a fraction of my time to do something that will possibly make her day. Since when did I become so.. selfish?

I went through my collection of birthday cards made by my friends, I remembered the amount of effort we used to put in during everyone's birthday, not because we had to, but because it was the best way to show how much that particular person meant to us. I never missed making handmade birthday cards for my friends, and made sure that the birthday celebration is as meaningful as possible; heck, I even sent a package of birthday presents all the way to Australia last year! When university first started, I couldn't help but wonder, why does it feel as if all the friendships I have now are so bland? And now I've finally understood that it is myself who has been lacking effort, and there's only myself to blame. 

Hopefully this new semester I will be able to enjoy things the way I used to in high school, prioritise things depending on how happy it makes me feel. I had a lot to go through during high school (I'm sure all of us did), but my friends were one of the strong pillars that helped me survive through the bad days, and there's no reason for me to take them for granted now. If you do know me personally and feel like I'm distanced myself these past few months, I am really sorry, I had a messy start to university, now that I'm in my second semester I shall try my best to make it up for you, and I love you, okay? Okay.

am

:(

Been feeling a bit low these past few days, felt the need to vent my thoughts to someone, here I am on my trusty old blog.

No one is going to listen to your justifications and explanations for being a shitty person. 

So you keep on listing down reasons, rethinking your excuses for days, only for yourself to see it. 

No one is going to look at your achievements, or the good things that you've done; when you've done one horrible thing to them, that's all that they are going to remember about you. 

This whole semester break, I've made a few decisions which at that moment I thought was what's best for me, and now that I have time to rethink and reevaluate everything, I'm starting to doubt myself. 

I keep on telling myself to focus on the pros instead of the cons, but not a day goes by without me thinking about how things must've been through the other person's perspective. I must've seemed like a complete prick, maybe I am one after all. An apology is not going to change anything, if the other person refuses to apologise. Part of me feels like an apology is what I have to do now, but part of me still insists that that's not necessary at all. And that's probably the main problem, ego. Ego on both sides. 

Let's lay down our weapons and go back to being friends, please?

am

2016?! Dah 2016????

Assalamualaikum friends!

I am currently sitting on a couch, laptop on my lap, and my phone next to me. It's 1am, and I'm still pretty much having trouble trying to write a blogpost on this blog and my travel blog. Trust me, I've been trying to update this blog since the first day of the semester break, but somehow my brain isn't processing things the way I expect it to.

What's that? Semester break? Heck yeah semester break! First semester of university ended late January, and we're currently waiting for second semester to start late February. On Monday I'll be on my way to Melaka with my friends, and we'll be staying there and in Johor for 3 days. Extremely excited for this trip, I'll let you know about the whole thing as soon as I can. 

Anyway, life update. How was semester 1 like? I've learnt so much, tried so many things, and made so many new friends. Even celebrated NYE with my high school friends at a party - *wow*. Academic wise, Alhamdulillah everything went "smoothly", I have yet to get my finals results, but hopefully it's not too bad. Archifest was hella great (thank you MVRK Studio & @rchisa for organizing such a memorable event), SAF was awesome (silver medal for ultimate frisbee, oh yeah) and review went well (thank you Tuah Studio & again, @rchisa for making it interesting). My friends and I went for several spontaneous trips this semester, we went to Broga, Putrajaya, Bagan Lalang, Cameron, Fraser, Temerloh, Jengka, and a few other places, and we're hoping to go on more in the future. On our first trip to BBW, Putrajaya & Sepang, I drove on the highway without an instructor for the first time and I've been driving ever since. Today I drove Abang's oldie-but-goodie Saga for the first time, alone too. Spent first semester in UiTM's Shah Alam campus, and I'm kinda sad over the fact that we'll be moving to Puncak Alam next semester. I mean, the facilities in Palam is freaking amazing and all while Salam is a whole different story, but so many important events in my life happened in Shah Alam, so many good memories were made there, also the car rental in Salam is really convenient and cheap so that's another reason to miss Shah Alam. But I do look forward to studying in Palam, since the facilities are on par to those in private universities, which makes me kinda grateful that I decided to enter UiTM instead of Taylor's *whoops*

I have learnt several things about myself this past semester, improved several flaws, but there's one major thing I still fail to fix. My feelings. I catch feelings waaaay too easily, and my actions can be too impromptu sometimes, which is really, really annoying. I really need to get my shiz together and learn to survive on myself and love myself before I even start thinking about relationships. Semester 1 was a rollercoaster of emotions, I'm over it now (I think), and hopefully I can start next sem with a fresh mind and attitude ^^

To summarise everything up, I had tonne of fun last semester, and I hope it'll be even greater next semester. To those eagerly waiting to start their first semester soon, I can guarantee you that this course is the best decision you'll ever make in your life, that is if you allow yourself to love and enjoy it as much as you possibly can. I'm off to get some sleep now since I have a meeting tomorrow, will try to update soon! 

*ps: you may have noticed that pictures from my previous posts have gone missing, this is due to a technical issue and I'm really sorry for it! I'll try to find the pictures back and repost them soon ^^

-am-