Friendship & Effort

Tomorrow will be my best friend - Tsara Aisyah's birthday. A few days ago, a friend of mine told me to send a short video message of myself wishing her happy birthday to her sister, and I failed to do so as I thought I was too busy to do so. I couldn't stop feeling the guilt, I only had to send a short video, and yet I couldn't bother to spend a fraction of my time to do something that will possibly make her day. Since when did I become so.. selfish?

I went through my collection of birthday cards made by my friends, I remembered the amount of effort we used to put in during everyone's birthday, not because we had to, but because it was the best way to show how much that particular person meant to us. I never missed making handmade birthday cards for my friends, and made sure that the birthday celebration is as meaningful as possible; heck, I even sent a package of birthday presents all the way to Australia last year! When university first started, I couldn't help but wonder, why does it feel as if all the friendships I have now are so bland? And now I've finally understood that it is myself who has been lacking effort, and there's only myself to blame. 

Hopefully this new semester I will be able to enjoy things the way I used to in high school, prioritise things depending on how happy it makes me feel. I had a lot to go through during high school (I'm sure all of us did), but my friends were one of the strong pillars that helped me survive through the bad days, and there's no reason for me to take them for granted now. If you do know me personally and feel like I'm distanced myself these past few months, I am really sorry, I had a messy start to university, now that I'm in my second semester I shall try my best to make it up for you, and I love you, okay? Okay.

am

:(

Been feeling a bit low these past few days, felt the need to vent my thoughts to someone, here I am on my trusty old blog.

No one is going to listen to your justifications and explanations for being a shitty person. 

So you keep on listing down reasons, rethinking your excuses for days, only for yourself to see it. 

No one is going to look at your achievements, or the good things that you've done; when you've done one horrible thing to them, that's all that they are going to remember about you. 

This whole semester break, I've made a few decisions which at that moment I thought was what's best for me, and now that I have time to rethink and reevaluate everything, I'm starting to doubt myself. 

I keep on telling myself to focus on the pros instead of the cons, but not a day goes by without me thinking about how things must've been through the other person's perspective. I must've seemed like a complete prick, maybe I am one after all. An apology is not going to change anything, if the other person refuses to apologise. Part of me feels like an apology is what I have to do now, but part of me still insists that that's not necessary at all. And that's probably the main problem, ego. Ego on both sides. 

Let's lay down our weapons and go back to being friends, please?

am

2016?! Dah 2016????

Assalamualaikum friends!

I am currently sitting on a couch, laptop on my lap, and my phone next to me. It's 1am, and I'm still pretty much having trouble trying to write a blogpost on this blog and my travel blog. Trust me, I've been trying to update this blog since the first day of the semester break, but somehow my brain isn't processing things the way I expect it to.

What's that? Semester break? Heck yeah semester break! First semester of university ended late January, and we're currently waiting for second semester to start late February. On Monday I'll be on my way to Melaka with my friends, and we'll be staying there and in Johor for 3 days. Extremely excited for this trip, I'll let you know about the whole thing as soon as I can. 

Anyway, life update. How was semester 1 like? I've learnt so much, tried so many things, and made so many new friends. Even celebrated NYE with my high school friends at a party - *wow*. Academic wise, Alhamdulillah everything went "smoothly", I have yet to get my finals results, but hopefully it's not too bad. Archifest was hella great (thank you MVRK Studio & @rchisa for organizing such a memorable event), SAF was awesome (silver medal for ultimate frisbee, oh yeah) and review went well (thank you Tuah Studio & again, @rchisa for making it interesting). My friends and I went for several spontaneous trips this semester, we went to Broga, Putrajaya, Bagan Lalang, Cameron, Fraser, Temerloh, Jengka, and a few other places, and we're hoping to go on more in the future. On our first trip to BBW, Putrajaya & Sepang, I drove on the highway without an instructor for the first time and I've been driving ever since. Today I drove Abang's oldie-but-goodie Saga for the first time, alone too. Spent first semester in UiTM's Shah Alam campus, and I'm kinda sad over the fact that we'll be moving to Puncak Alam next semester. I mean, the facilities in Palam is freaking amazing and all while Salam is a whole different story, but so many important events in my life happened in Shah Alam, so many good memories were made there, also the car rental in Salam is really convenient and cheap so that's another reason to miss Shah Alam. But I do look forward to studying in Palam, since the facilities are on par to those in private universities, which makes me kinda grateful that I decided to enter UiTM instead of Taylor's *whoops*

I have learnt several things about myself this past semester, improved several flaws, but there's one major thing I still fail to fix. My feelings. I catch feelings waaaay too easily, and my actions can be too impromptu sometimes, which is really, really annoying. I really need to get my shiz together and learn to survive on myself and love myself before I even start thinking about relationships. Semester 1 was a rollercoaster of emotions, I'm over it now (I think), and hopefully I can start next sem with a fresh mind and attitude ^^

To summarise everything up, I had tonne of fun last semester, and I hope it'll be even greater next semester. To those eagerly waiting to start their first semester soon, I can guarantee you that this course is the best decision you'll ever make in your life, that is if you allow yourself to love and enjoy it as much as you possibly can. I'm off to get some sleep now since I have a meeting tomorrow, will try to update soon! 

*ps: you may have noticed that pictures from my previous posts have gone missing, this is due to a technical issue and I'm really sorry for it! I'll try to find the pictures back and repost them soon ^^

-am-